Stina – The Photographer
Radio interview by Catarina Gottby
Broadcasted by SR P1 in 'Dress Naked' Spring 2001
Translated by: Minkowsky
STINA NORDENSTAM IS A MUSICIAN, BUT SHE ALSO TAKES PHOTOS. STINA MADE HUNDREDS
OF PHOTOGRAPHIES OF HERSELF TO HER THIRD ALBUM, PEOPLE ARE STRANGE. SHE
LOOKS DIFFERENT ON ALL THE IMAGES, AS IF SHE WOULD BE SEVERAL DIFFERENT
PERSONS.
- But I was thinking of one thing too. I feel that I would very much like
to photograph my ex-boyfriend. We were talking about it, afterwards... He
was like 'Sure, you can take some pictures of me"... That's more intimate
than photographing yourself. This longing I had for taking photos of him,
it was something completely not romantic. It was... a lust for documentation!
About what was him and what was me, and where we joined, where we met.
BUT YOU NEVER DID?
- No, I couldn't find the time.
WHAT MADE YOU TAKE UP PHOTOGRAPHY?
- I've always been relating to, and thinking in, images in my creative work,
also in music, and writing lyrics. Whatever I've done has been a lot about
pictures. Both images and music are some kind of a pre-lingual phase...
and in some way it is more immediately communicating.
- I grew up without a language, in the sense that I had no one to communicate
with, because there was no one around when I grew up. The language that
I had; what I had learned in school and what I talked with; it had no substance.
When I started writing my own music, I guess I was around 16 years old,
then it was like I had got my own language for the first time. I felt that
I invented a language of my own, after having been without it for a long
time. Both musically and lyrically (My lyrics were in English), I developed
that side of me during many years. I wasn't interested in doing anything
else, since this was such a big part of me.
- After some time, I don't remember if it was after my second album, I felt
that I wanted to expand my language and try it in some other form. I borrowed
an old system camera and started taking pictures. I knew nothing about photography,
so I was learning by doing. I was very methodical in my development. For
instance there was a period when I consciously photographed an object or
an atmosphere. I photographed junkyards and industrial estates. The idea
was to make beautiful pictures of an ugly environment. I wasn't interested
in things that were beatiful to everybody, I was interested in stuff that
only I - some other person would walk about in that junkyard without noticing
a detail that I would find attractive - this red colour together with that
green one and this sharp edge, or whatever. I was interested in the personal
seeing; to go beyond what is supposed to be beautiful, pleasant and attractive.
THEN YOU STARTED PHOTOGRAPHING YOURSELF. WAS THERE A PARTICULAR REASON?
- I've always felt two forces, striving one against the other. The first
one has been the urge to control the creative process - me as an artist
for example, my music. The other force, which was non-existent in the beginning
but has grown stronger ever since, is to be able to create something from
meeting other people.
- When I started taking pictures of myself, it was because I wanted to do
that part too. I wanted to present the exterior image of myself. The things
I brought to these sessions were not my personal stuff, but impersonal things
like wigs and stuff. From there I tried to find an expression that was personal.
- I had a feeling in my stomach that I wanted to present a number of different
versions of myself. There is also a practical reason to this, because I
don't want to be recognized. Therefore I want the images to be as confusing
as possible.
THERE ARE SIX PICTURES FROM ONE SESSION HERE. YOUR LOOKS DIFFER BETWEEN
THEM.
- That's right, I was experimenting wildly. That is often the case when
I work. Not just for the sake of it, but... experimenting in a deeper sense.
There are so many pictures here... like that one for example, I like that...
no, those are... they're too compliant... those I like... and that one too.
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THAT IMAGE?
- Angry... resolute... adult...
When I look at these pictures I think it's completely natural that it seemingly
differs fifteen years between them, since I have those fifteen years in
me, or thirty years even. I feel like I contain all the ages I've had.
BUT IT'S ALSO LIKE DIFFERENT TYPES OF WOMEN.
- Yes. Yeah, I suppose it's a kind of experimenting with that. And also
like a protest against being able to determine what certain type of woman
you are. Perhaps it's like stating that you're really not a type at all,
but something beyond 'type'.
- I'd like to mention those blondes too... I look like my sister in this
one... that's what I used to think... it has another expression and I'm
very blonde.
WHY DID IT TURN OUT LIKE THAT? WAS IT SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO TRY?
- Yes, I wanted to try, but I also remember that I felt somewhat disturbed
when I took these pictures, because I felt a lack of darkness in them.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY DARKNESS?
- The woman that you see in these pictures might well possess an inner darkness,
but she doesn't show it... It doesn't reach the surface. Do you see what
I mean?
IS IT SOME KIND OF A DISTANCE?
- Yes. They are very cold. The dark pictures, that are messy and blurry
and stuff, I think they communicate this darkness that I still carry within
me. The blonde, cold woman is a frightening person.
- When I was a kid, I hated being photographed. I think it isn't uncommon,
having a difficult childhood. You don't want to spread your evilness, you
don't want it to be seen. I always avoided having my photography taken,
in any situation. I still have it difficult seeing pictures of myself. [The
People Are Strange session] was a gigantic experiment with this, since here
are hundreds of pictures of me in all sorts of versions. When I look at
them now... I still don't like it... but it's still a process I did with
this fact in mind. I tried to cope with it or repress it, this unwillingness
to be photographed.
THE UNWILLINGNESS TO BE SEEN?
- I wouldn't it put it that way, because I do want... to be seen, and as
a child too you want to be seen and understood. But it's a feeling that
it would be visible how much I hurt, and how bad I was as a human being...
- But I like this picture...
THIS PICTURE, WHERE THE WOMAN IS UNSHARP AND THE BACKGROUND IS SHARPER?
- Yes. The focus is on the background.
DID THAT HAPPEN ACCIDENTALLY?
- No. There's a window there. A dark room, a window, and outside it is daylight
and high-rise buildings.That's how I grew up. This picture is the front
picture of the People Are Strange cover too. There's something meaningful
with blur and unsharpness, but I have a hard time putting my finger on it.
It's like a super-reality of this suburban surrounding that is pushing through
the window. The blur can contain strong feelings that you don't want to
communicate. I want to be seen, but not sharply...
- On the record that I've just recorded I will be collaborating with a number
of different photographers. That is often the case with me, that I want
to do contrary things from time to time. I think that each project has an
end somehow. I don't wan't to eternally be exploring the same thing. I mean,
even if you do that, you do do that, but in different projects and different
forms and with different methods, and I feel that this has been a gigantic
project with loads of material, and for some time to come that is finished.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO PHOTOGRAPH LATER ON?
- Yeah, well, I had this idea back then, but that didn't work out... I would
like to photograph a man.
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